News of Haiti’s devastating earthquake left the world shocked this week, and the troubled nation in utter despair. While no sense can possibly be made of this, we looked at the country’s chart — searching for any glimpse of hope or guidance. We were stunned to see a near-exact alignment between Haiti’s planets and destructive Pluto, violent Mars and challenging Saturn on this tragic day. Please know that we write this piece with the utmost respect for Haiti and regard for every loss.

Haiti’s Astrological Chart: A Portrait of Struggle & Reinvention
Haiti became independent on January 1, 1804, making it a Capricorn-ruled country. In Haiti’s chart, Pluto and Mars are at 3 degrees Capricorn, and Saturn is at 3 degrees Libra—forming a challenging “square” (45-degree angle). Pluto rules death and the underworld (including those plates beneath the earth), and the mythic Phoenix that rises from the ashes after destruction. Indeed, Haiti has regenerated, Pluto-style, from many natural and political disasters. When Pluto joins with Mars, this can mean violence, military conflict and deep-rooted psychological turbulence. With its history of coups, dictatorships and government corruption, Haiti is no stranger to such troubles.

» Continue reading “Haiti’s Disaster: Pluto, Mars, Saturn…and the future”

This past weekend, I found myself sucked into the MTV wasteland of “Jersey Shore.”  Since moving to Seattle a year ago, I’ve been missing that East Coast slang, and hey, if it had to come from reality fame whores named Snooki, The Situation, and JWoww, well, I was willing to take it. Being as it was January 2nd and all (and perhaps the fact that Domino’s Pizza had yanked their ads), I was assaulted with commercial after commercial for home fitness equipment. The Bender Ball, created by a trainer with the convenient name of Leslee Bender, claimed to target the “extension” and the “flexion” of abs.

» Continue reading “A Capricorn-Inspired Plug for Crunchiness”

An interesting phenomenon happened this year: straight-people couplings went rather out of fashion. Harry Winston rings, Vera Wang gowns, bended-knee proposals…can you say boooooring? On top of that, the tanking economy made lavish weddings downright passe. Publishing giant Conde Nast even folded former cash cows Modern Bride and Elegant Bride magazines. Our own Brides.com column ended, and many of our friends chose quiet City Hall ceremonies over the chapel. Friends in the wedding industry (photographers, planners) reported their slowest years ever.

Why? Jupiter, planet of expansion, spent the year in Aquarius — the postmodern sign of social justice and revolution. Romantic Neptune traveled by its side, opening our minds and hearts to a new kind of love–and making all things traditional seem hopelessly outmoded. Bohemian Aquarius is one of the least conventionally romantic zodiac signs.

In Hollywood, romance between two vanilla heteros failed to captivate the tabloid-weary eye. The strongest couples seemed to be those who bypassed the whole marriage hoopla, like Brangelina. Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. With Tiger Woods being the latest “role model” to make a sham of his vows, it all came to seem like a joke.

On the other hand, gay marriage become one of the year’s hottest issues. No surprise. Jupiter broke through our boundaries of what love “should” look like, forcing us to redefine those so-called rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Look who captured our gawker’s gaze in ’09: Newlyweds Ellen and Portia. Train-wreck twosome Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. A liplock in Marie Claire between bisexual Drew Barrymore and her Whip It co-star Ellen Page. American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert, who capped off the year with a prime time televised same-sex smooch at the AMAs.

Aquarius is a political sign, and the wave rose in this arena, too. Celebs and civilians alike spoke out against Proposition 8, a California amendment that only recognized male-female unions. Beauty contestant Carrie Prejean jeopardized the Miss USA crown with controversial remarks against “opposite marriage.” (Granted, she’s an old-fashioned Taurus whose religious “values” preclude same-sex weddings…but they somehow didn’t rule out making pornographic sex tapes. Ten points to Team Rainbow for that hypocrisy.) Just today, Houston elected its first openly gay mayor, Annise Parker, making it the largest U.S. city ever to do so.

Will the trend continue? Yes…in a different way. On January 17th, 2010, Jupiter moves into romantic Pisces, scattering rose petals and lacy bits over everything again. 2010 will be a decidedly sappy year, making straight and gay folks alike yearn for old-fashioned romance. Fortunately, Jupiter will travel with radical Uranus (ruler of Aquarius) for much of 2009 — keeping the fires of social justice lit. We could all gain equal opportunity to be hopeless fools in love, getting our hearts smashed on the rocks, all sharing the mystical quest to understand the sacred enigma of partnership.

Our guilty-pleasure fix of reality TV is always accompanied by star sign speculation, followed by mad dashes to our laptops to Google the likes of Nene Leakes, Tim Gunn, Lisa Wu Hartwell, Patti Stanger and other favorites. The info is usually unearthed with a quick click to wikipedia or imdb.com, but in the case of The Real Housewives of Atlanta series, some serious digging (nay cyberstalking) has been required.

For the record we DID call their publicist at Bravo who crisply informed us that the Atlanta Housewives, “would prefer not to reveal the information at this time.” (Wahhh…why not?!)

We set our need for this arguably useless trivia aside…temporarily. Then, three weeks ago, Kim Zolciak & Kandi Burress went off on a self-congratulatory, Taurus-bonding fest upon discovering that they shared the same birth sign. Our obsession was reawakened!

Kandi as a Taurus? Yeah, makes sense. She’s hardworking, family-oriented to a fault, modest in values, religious, a talented singer… Kim appears to be the polar opposite: hiring a nanny (although she’s unemployed), going on $3,000 shopping sprees for her daughter, tarting it up in Dior at noontime with an ever-present glass of Chardonnay spilling from her grasp. Note to all Taurus readers: this is what can happen if you let your Venus-ruled desires go unchecked. Can you say, “Chapter 11?”

Other as-yet unconfirmed zodiac finds about the Atlanta Housewives:
Lisa Wu Hartwell: her MySpace page lists her as an Aquarius which makes total sense given the Uranian flashes of temper and the entrepreneurial drive to conquer multiple industries at once.

Sheree Whitfield: Found! An online invitation to celebrate her birthday on January 7th (www.tinyurl.com/shereewhit). If true, this would place Sheree as a Capricorn. Makes total sense given her penchant for elitism and (ahem) high standards. Yes, Caps can be downright snobbish if unchecked.

Nene Leakes:  Like solving the riddle of the sphinx, we could not unearth Nene’s sign for days…and it was killin’ us! One minute she seemed like a bossy Leo, the next a maternal Cancer, the next a busybody Virgo.  So we became members of Nene’s fan club on MySpace–happily, since she’s our favorite Housewife of all times.  We also love that her Twisted Hearts foundation is raising money for women who are “Battered But Not Broken.”  (Looked for a link but appears she’s not yet raising funds online.) According to her MySpace fan page, Nene is a Gemini–no wonder she has so many different personas!

In her own twist on Independence Day, Aquarius “maverick” Sarah Palin resigned as governor of Alaska. We’ve come to expect surprises from her—after all, Aquarius is the zodiac’s rebel and ruler of sudden changes. But at this cosmic moment, we’re not surprised she took a well-shod step down from her duties. Here’s why:

1. Grandiosity meets paranoia.
We recently blogged about Jupiter and Neptune traveling together in Aquarius, Palin’s sign. Both planets are retrograde (backward), causing confusion, delusion and hidden agendas to emerge worldwide.  Politics have already been a circus (allegations of election fraud in Iran, a coup in Albany, New York). Jupiter exaggerates all that it touches, so Palin’s inflated self-importance may have collapsed after Jupiter went retrograde June 15th. Is she staving off a scandal, or keeping a secret under wraps? We wouldn’t be surprised. Foggy Neptune creates unclear thinking, blurring the line between fantasy and reality. With truth-telling Jupiter in the mix, the town rumor mill could be churning, and Palin’s own mental stability could be in a weakened state. Palin capped her resignation speech with the cryptic remark, “Don’t explain: your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe you anyway.” Huh? Exhaustion would be natural after a year of family scandals, campaigning, mothering a baby with special needs and navigating the media barrage that’s followed her since she signed up for Team McCain.

2. A knee-jerk reaction?
On July 1st, Palin’s ruling planet Uranus—which governs revolution, shocking events and swift cutoffs—went retrograde (backward) until December. Uranus retrograde causes us to act in haste, making rash moves we regret later. Uranus is in Palin’s second house of money, work and self-confidence. It would make sense for an Aquarian to suddenly reevaluate her entire life path, forking off the trail unexpectedly. However, she may also realize that her mouth has written a check that her shapely derriere can’t cash. She’s either lost steam, or got a whole new bag of tricks to unleash (2012 presidency would be the obvious speculation).

3. Hidden scandals?
On July 7th, a lunar eclipse will blast into Palin’s 12th house of secrets and hidden enemies. Eclipses force our hand and turn things upside-down. Someone who’s been conspiring against Palin could step forward, or shady business could be revealed. A possible illness, pregnancy, affair or illegal activity could be at the source. Palin’s resignation may be a preemptive strike that arrives either just in time…or too late.

How will this all shake out? Let’s wait a month and see. A lunar eclipse on August 5th in Aquarius and Leo could bring the grand finale to the Palin circus. Her partnerships and alliances will be reconfigured, possibly in a shocking way. Sarah Palin: Democrat? Nahhh. But at this rate, who the heck knows?

Panic about swine flu is rising to a fever pitch, as more cases are reported worldwide. While it’s certainly an alarming epidemic, people are wondering just how scared they need to be. A look at the stars shows that the panic will definitely spread faster than the virus, even as we take major precautions.

A large part of the mass hysteria is the conjunction (joining) of Jupiter and Neptune in Aquarius. For starters, Aquarius is an Air sign that also rules groups and society, priming the pump for an airborne, communicable disease. The WHO has called the outbreak a “public health emergency of international concern.” Jupiter rules international issues and expansion — no surprise the epidemic is making its way from Mexico to the U.S., Canada and Spain. Neptune is the watery planet of illusions, which explains the fear and confusion — and in mythology, Neptune lords over the underworld (it doesn’t get much lower than swine).

Hopefully, today’s Gemini moon will clear up misconceptions. Gemini rules facts, journalism and communication. Here’s hoping (from our desks in New York), that we all get the right information fast.

In the wake of the AIG scandal, the US government is now clamping down on corporate usage of bailout funds. This Sunday, President Obama asked GM Chairman and Chief Executive Rick Wagoner to step down from his post. The President also mandated that Chrysler must form a partnership with Italian automaker Fiat by April 30, 2009 in order to receive further government funds.

The increased regulation of corporations is a cycle we are likely to continue seeing. Since late November of 2008, transformer Pluto settled into Capricorn–its new home until 2024. Capricorn rules big businesses, the economy as well as government. There’s a new sheriff in town, y’all…and he’s not letting nuthin’ get past him.

We point to Pluto in Capricorn as the source of all the economic upheaval going on in the world. We also say to you, our readers, hang tight, it’s all going to work out. Here’s a little past-based evidence that should give you hope…

In 1995, Pluto entered Sagittarius the sign that rules the publishing industry and global relations. When Pluto kicks off a tour through a sign it tends to be destructive, tearing down outmoded structures so new ones have a space to be built. Think of a phoenix rising from the ashes…this is Pluto’s influence. In the late 90s we watched as major magazine titles went out of business–ym, Mademoiselle, and Ms. to name a few. In the wake of their devastation, the Internet was born. Now, most of us would struggle to remember the days before e-mail. Communicating with someone across the planet has become as easy as clicking a “Reply” button.

The economy is undergoing a similar transformation. We’re barely sorting through the ashes, but stay tuned…something new will soon be reborn and it’s likely to be revolutionary.

On Sunday, President Obama laid down the law to the auto industry. He instructed Chrysler to form a partnership with Italian automaker Fiat by April 30th as a condition of receiving any more government funding.

As native Detroiters, we’re proud to say that we predicted such a merger. We also think this will lead to positive growth for our struggling Midwestern hometown. In an interview with the Detroit Free Press on January 11, 2009 we said:

“Detroit’s 2009 forecast: Detroit, founded on July 24, 1701, is a Leo…in 2009 long-distance partnerships are highlighted, so there may be surprising collaborations with foreign and domestic automakers in the stars.”

Our hope is that Chrysler accepts these conditions and goes forward with the partnership. Although there may be temporary upheaval, the timing is ideal from an astrological perspective.

We’ll also be fascinated to see what happens from a cultural perspective when Motown meets Italia. Pasta with a side of soul, anyone?

Way back before the elections, we predicted that the major crisis of the 44th presidency would be the economy. That’s because Pluto, ruler of intense transformation, entered Capricorn in November 2008, shaking up structures like government, banks and other longstanding institutions. Obama was elected on the brink of this new 16-year cycle.

To make matters worse, strict Saturn, the planet of hard knocks and tough lessons, went retrograde (backward) on New Year’s Eve. Anarchy! With Saturn in this low-power position until May 16th, there’s chaos in the ranks. The recent AIG scandal (bailouts for bonuses? hell no!) is a perfect example of how Saturn retrograde can lead to a widespread defiance of authority.

Poor Obama. As a Leo, he has Saturn visiting his second house of money. There are no shortcuts in the areas that Saturn visits. Quick-fix bailouts and undeserved stimulus packages are doomed by Saturn to fail. Although matters should improve in May when Saturn goes direct, it will remain in Obama’s finance sector until October 29th. No astrological bailouts for Barack ’til then!

In October, Saturn moves into diplomatic Libra. We’re hoping that Obama’s promise to remove troops from Iraq will get a better chance then. On that note, the stars are none too happy about his plans to send armed forces to Afghanistan, either. With risky Jupiter in Obama’s international sector, he may be overconfident about that effort. Our advice? Don’t fake it ’til you make it. Focus on a true economic solution at home until the Fall. See our Obamascopes for more on what lies in the stars for our president.

Is it any surprise that the man whose famous lines included “One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish” would be born under the sign of Pisces? Imagination is one of his sign’s specialties. We especially love Google’s adaptation of its logo in honor of the legendary storyteller!